my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
