Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
