my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
please come you make the beer taste better
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize