Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
