I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
