remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
