oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize