I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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