I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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