with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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