I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize