david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
