You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize