So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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