when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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