just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
