i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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