ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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