Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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