Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
