Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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