Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
