I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize