everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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