Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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