Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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