U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
