Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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