So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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