So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
