It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I came so hard my ears popped.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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