Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Shame - the story of my life.
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