If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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