I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
