dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
