have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
