I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
