my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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