I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
