I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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