if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
