you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
