i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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