I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
