I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
