We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
