Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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