And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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