The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cockslap morals
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize