"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
