Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
