Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this boner is exhausting
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
