i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
