tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
