You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
