dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
