if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Randomize
