I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
