Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
