i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
