You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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