Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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