and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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