She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize