I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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