we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
