just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
