Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
