so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
