I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
